The Hard Questions

The other morning while driving to work, I heard a radio ad for discounted Viagra. According to this ad, regular Viagra costs $18 per pill. Is that true? Wow! I thought only pills that could save your life would cost maybe $3 a pill. And if real Viagra is so expensive, is a knockoff going to work? Personally, I’d be afraid my privates might fall off or explode. This ad assures customers that the pills will be delivered in a discrete, brown paper package. So, when do you ever know the contents of a package that comes in the mail? Does mainstream Viagra come in a flashy box with red flags and neon letters? “Warning: This package contains BONER PILLS”. This seems like the kind of guarantee one might have heard for products in the 1950‘s. In a related subject, another ad that caught my attention was one for condoms. My favorite radio station was changing its format over to sports talk. A few days before the switch, they started playing condom commercials. Do sex and sports go hand in hand? (that sounds dirty) This ad had a man and a woman talking about what each liked the best about this brand of condom. It conjured up visions of fireworks and glitter. Then came my favorite part - The announcer assured us that these condoms were TRIPLE TESTED. Hmmm... exactly what does that mean? One condom, used 3 times? How do they do the testing? Vegetables or real people? How you get a job testing condoms? Is it a full-time position? I wonder what kind of questions you have to answer on the job application. Degrees? Years of experience? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Then after a hard day at the lab (tee hee), how do you even contemplate intimacy with your partner? I’ll bet they use robots. Really, really happy robots. Have these robots been programmed to smoke a cigarette after each test? I think it’s fair to assume I’m the only person on the planet who thinks of these things. That’s why I’m sharing... You’re welcome.