Sunday, March 17, 2013

TSA - WTF???

I want to give the head of the TSA, John Pistole, a big old knuckle sandwich. He has decided to allow small knives back on airplanes. This way the screeners can focus more on bombs. WTF??? There is serious douche-baggery going on here. Is he a shill for the Swiss Army Knife consortium? He’s also going to allow a multitude of things that could bash in a skull - hockey and lacrosse sticks, novelty bats, billiard cues, ski poles and two golf clubs. Oh, I have soooo many questions. First of all, just how do these articles fit in a carry-on bag? I’m mystified. Allowing two golf clubs per person seems really odd to me. I’m not a golfer, but it seems like most players lug a whole bagful of clubs with them. I know there are woods, and putters, and chippers, and maybe something called a niblick. So, you’re going on a golf vacation. You have all your clubs out. “Mommy can only take two of you on this trip. I’m taking Chipper and Woody. Next time I can take two others. Be good. Mommy loves you!”. Like I said, I’m not a golfer. After all the security hoops we’ve had to jump through for the last ten years, now we’re just supposed to feel fine and dandy about people with knives and clubs? It will be interesting to see if the first bad incident will be from a knife-wielding terrorist, or raging drunk with a sports stick. Can we even things out and fit the flight attendants with brass knuckles? Mr. Pistole says that we’ve always had things onboard that could be used as a weapon. These would be wine glasses and forks. Give everybody plastic cups and sporks and that problem is solved. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why this change is occurring. I haven’t heard whether we will still have to take off our shoes in the security line. Are we still going to be required to cram all our stupid 3 ounce bottles into a quart bag? This makes no sense. How exactly are the TSA agents going to “concentrate on bombs”? Listen for ticking? This man needs to go... on a long flight sandwiched between an intoxicated wife beater and cranky Swiss Army Knife salesman. Oh and make sure he gets the body cavity search first, 'cause you never know...

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