Friday, February 8, 2013

Time Flies

A year ago today, I went into the hospital with an abscess on my colon. Fun times... not. This incident followed the Colonoscopy From Hell. I had a routine colonoscopy, with un-routine consequences. After trying to gag down the awful cleaner-outer stuff, I threw up for 8 hours. I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s supposed to work. It’s the Other End that should be the focus, right? Whatever the reason, I was cleaned out above and below, and feeling pretty rotten. For two days after the procedure, I felt intense abdominal pain. The gastroenterologist’s dumbass nurse dismissed my concerns and kept telling me I just had gas. Finally, I contacted my primary physician, who told me to go to the ER. Hence, the discovery of the abscess. I spent an awful 5 days in the hospital, being poked and prodded and filled with antibiotics. Needless to say, I burst into tears of joy as our car drove off the grounds of the hospital. I had surgery a couple months later to remove the bad section of my colon. And now, a year later, my colon is happy as a clam. (Why exactly are clams so damn happy anyway? That’s a mystery to be explored at a later date.) I was told my next routine colonoscopy should be in 5 years. OMG... I now have only 4 years until the next one and am already getting panicked. They’d better come up with new purging technology by then. I literally can’t stomach swallowing that stuff again. As it is, anything remotely salty now makes me gag. Everything down to my ankles clenches when I think about having to swallow the Bad Drink. I’m having trouble writing about it. I think I need to hurl. Come on technology... I’m rooting for you. Get a move on!

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