Tuesday, February 5, 2013

If I Were A Zombie

A thought occurred to me today - Would I make a good zombie? I know I worry way too much about stuff, and I over-plan EVERYTHING. But still... Let’s say the unimaginable happens, and I die and then somehow become The Undead. Do I automatically have gross and dirty clothes? My guess is zombies have been buried at one time, so that would explain their unkempt appearance. Maybe I should plan an outfit that is stain-resistant and wrinkle free. Or, I could be thwarting the essence of zombiehood. Can one be tidy and still be a good (or bad) zombie? So many questions... I also wonder if zombies know they are undead. One day they wake up and say “Hey, cool! I’m so glad to be alive again... Oh damn. Still dead. Oh well, got me a hankering for some brains.” I am sooo screwed! Much of the meat products out there kind of gross me out. Would the zombie me suddenly think brains were as awesome as cinnamon swirl coffee cake? I have never actually watched an entire zombie movie. I tried to watch “Night of the Living Dead” years ago. I lasted only about 10 minutes, after assuming my scary movie position - fingers splayed across my face, ready to cover my eyes, or move down to cover an involuntary scream. Other than a zombie bite, how does one become part of the Undead Club? There had to be a first zombie - Ground Zero Dead-Not Dead Guy. I wonder if he was always the last name called on when his teacher called roll alphabetically... Wilson, Yates, Zombie Kid. And after feeding on only brains, you’d think some uber-genius zombie would figure out how to clean up, walk without lurching so much, and stop body parts from decomposing and falling off. You’d think. Or maybe it’s just me who’s thinking... way too much. Guess I should let this one go. All you zombies out there - You wouldn’t like my brain. Way too many questions inside. Not appetizing.

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