Monday, February 11, 2013

If I Were Pope

Pope Benedict XVI announced that he is going to resign. The only other time this occurred was in 1415. I think it was a Tuesday. Anyway, I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and list my reasons for and against applying for the job:

Reasons Why I Should Be Pope:

- OK, I got nothing. There is no reason on earth why I should lead any church.

Reasons Why I Should Not Be Pope:

- I’d probably need to be a Catholic in good standing. So not me.
- The Pope’s white vestments would probably make my butt look big.
- The pointy Pope hat would give me hat hair.
- I don’t speak Latin.
- I probably couldn’t take my dogs, kids, or husband.
- Gregorian chants put me to sleep.
- There are probably no Starbucks at the Vatican.
- Not enough girls to hang with, just a lot of old men.
- My best innovative idea would probably not go over well - I would put packing peanuts and a fan in the glassed-in Popemobile, so I could be like a human snow globe. Pretty cool, huh?

I’m not sure how much this all matters. Some old white guy will invariably get the job, and nothing will change. I’ll stick around here and cherish my non-hat haired, irreverent, non-practicing Catholic self. It’s Rome’s loss.

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