Friday, February 22, 2013

Bad Maxine

I was so pleased it was Friday today. As I motored home from work, I was forming a plan of which errands to do and what order to do them in. I was gleefully contemplating my Friday afternoon guilty pleasure - a molten hot vanilla latte from my favorite barista. Three quarter’s of the way home, traffic stopped for a red light. Then, my Friday afternoon turned to crap. For some reason, my car died. When the light turned green, I couldn’t go. My car would not start, and the Oh-Most-Hated check engine light came on. I turned on my hazard lights and called AAA. I was blocking traffic, and could not move... on a Friday afternoon. To add to my consternation, my car wasn’t making any noise. To angry drivers it might have looked like I was just sitting there with my thumb up my butt, not trying to start my car. Damn! A Good Samaritan came to my window and offered to push me over to the curb. I had to turn the key to put the car in gear, and it started. Wow! I cancelled AAA and made an attempt to drive home. A mile down the road, my car sort of shuddered, lost speed and power, and all the Bad Lights came back on. This time I was able to pull over to the side of the road. Unfortunately I was at the beginning of the Ballard Bridge. OMG! This was my nightmare coming true. A Friday afternoon, in a stalled car, on a bridge. At least this time I was over enough to the side that I wasn’t holding up traffic. As I waited again for AAA, I cried a bit. Then I fantasized about what I’d like to do to Maxine, my dead car. I wondered if the AAA driver could help me push her over the railing and into the Ship Canal below. Splash... good riddance! Could I be charged with littering, or would a tally of my auto mechanic receipts point to justifiable homicide? I am seriously done with Maxine. As I left her at the mechanic’s, I grabbed my little vase of fake flowers with the rubber chicken at the bottom. With a harrummpphhh, I stormed away from my future former car. I am now on the prowl for new wheels. My rubber chicken needs a new home as well. Stay tuned...

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