Friday, May 25, 2012

The Name Game

This week, a co-worker and I were discussing the latest hurricane name - Bud. Not very threatening. All I can picture is the son on “Father Knows Best”. It got me wondering - Who gets to name stuff? When I was a child, nuns relinquished their given names when entering the convent. Some of the names they received in return were curious, hideous, and even horrible. Perhaps there was a large Price-Is-Right type of wheel used to select the Holy Names. Here are some names from my Catholic school past:

- Sister Michella: Her name wasn’t so bad, but she was. She was my first grade teacher, and about a thousand years old. That may explain her ill temper.
- Sister Jane Robert: Girl-guy name combo, and my favorite nun.
- Sister Susannah: A pretty normal name. She was round and jolly.
- Sister Wilfred: Pretty darn heinous name. I always suspected she wasn’t in it for the long haul. Sister Wilfred was fairly young and had braces on her teeth. I think she took full advantage of her orthodontic benefits, and then hit the road.
- Sister John Baptist: Not to be confused with John THE Baptist.
- Sister Claire Assisi: I think they let her keep the family name - I’m pretty sure she was the sister of St. Francis of Assisi. She was a scary genius, and ancient.
- Sister Christian: She wore brown, like a UPS truck, which she resembled.
- Sister Mercedes: The first time I heard someone say they wanted to own a Mercedes, I almost had a heart attack. I hadn’t heard of the car, only the nun.
- Sister Paraclita: I believe this refers to the Holy Ghost. I would hate to have a name that forces people to respond “Say what?”.

If there is an open position for Grand Imperial Nun Namer, I’d like to apply. Is it cheating to use inanimate objects or animals? Flora and fauna? So many choices...

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