Tuesday, June 4, 2013

All Messed Up

I recently started physical therapy for a painful left shoulder. At first my therapist thought I might have a frozen shoulder. Now he thinks I’m just all messed up (my words, not his). Good news, I guess. I’ve had my two shoulders compared to each other, and my arms tested for strength. I believe the verdict is that I would probably lose in a fist fight with a squirrel (again, my words). I have no upper body strength and apparently don’t use my shoulders correctly. It seems I use my neck muscles for just about everything. This leaves my scapulas inert, and lazy. If they could, I assume they would spend all day in the basement playing video games. I found out last night that I don’t even breathe properly. Instead of breathing from my diaphragm, I breathe using my neck muscles. Who knew? I thought my lungs were in charge of that task. While my left shoulder is the painful one, I was told that my right shoulder is unstable. Hmmmm... Should I be afraid of it sneaking up on me with a big knife??? During my physical therapy, I am constantly being told to concentrate on using my scapula muscles. It’s like ordering me to move a nose hair at will. My therapist, bless his heart, keeps asking me how it feels. And I keep saying “Uh... I don’t know”. It’s hard to tell how something feels that you can’t feel. Pretty frustrating, for me as well as him. I’m kind of like Luke Skywalker being taught by Yoda. I fear that I will NEVER raise my scapula out of the swamp. Tomorrow I start deep tissue massage. I have a feeling it won’t be fun. I had to buy a tank top for the occasion, and am dreading having my un-toned arms on display for the whole world to see. I am, however, determined to make this work. I am done with needles and surgery. So if I have to learn how to breathe all over again and levitate my scapulas, so be it. Maybe I’ll make Yoda... er, my therapist proud.

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