Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Schticky Situation

I think I have a knack for recognizing voices. It comes in handy when watching a TV show featuring a guest star who used to be a big deal, but is no longer on the Hollywood “A” List. I have identified numerous former stars when hearing them speak. It might take a while to put the voice to the wrinkled, or in most cases, altered faces. I can usually figure it out though. So, last weekend I had the TV on while I worked on my laptop (by “work” I mean playing Solitaire). A really annoying ad caught my attention, and I realized the spokesperson was none other than Vince Shlomi, the Sham Wow guy. Who could forget that voice? He’s been gone from the scene for a while, after his arrest for punching a prostitute who bit his tongue. Classy guy. I reluctantly watched the commercial, since that voice was impossible to tune out (I guess I was too lazy to hit the Mute button on my remote). Vince is now selling the Schticky Buddy, a purportedly amazing lint roller. As I watched, I realized this ad was full of dirty double entendres. He talked about pussy hair (cat) and playing with his Schticky. OMG! Was I just reading nasty stuff into the commercial, or was Vince openly being sleazy? OK, consider the source. Vince beats up prostitutes...wait, start over... Vince patronizes prostitutes, then beats them up. He inexplicably wears an earpiece the entire time he’s in the commercial. Who is he connected to? Is he taking orders in his head while also shilling for the Shticky Buddy people? According to Wikipedia, Vince has a net worth of $4 million dollars. So, he’s laughing all the way to the bank. Now if I could only figure out a way to make the big bucks from my voice identification skills. I could be the Hear Wow Girl. Hmmm... definitely needs some work.

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