Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Brazilian Haiku

When Helen Reddy sang “I am woman, hear me roar...”, she must have just gotten a Brazilian wax. I know from my daughter’s experience, not my own, that this beauty procedure is really painful. I get my eyebrows and mustache... er lip waxed. My nether-regions, however, are not part of the package. My lady parts aren’t going to Brazil or anywhere else exotic. I can’t imagine what I’d do with someone working away DOWN THERE. It would be too embarrassing. I have had two foot massages in my life and in both instances I spent the entire time apologizing for my toes. So instead of getting a Brazilian wax, I have decided to resurrect my Haiku skills from 8th grade, and wax poetic:

Bald is beautiful
My vajayjay is angry
Misses her hairdo

Waxed on and waxed off
Cooter is shiny and new
Brazil has no trees

Worst pain in the world
Kind of like being skinned alive
childbirth piece of cake

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