Friday, May 2, 2014

Turkey Wattle And Nanny Goat Hairs

My at-home knee rehab has left me with oodles of down time. Aside from hours of vegging out in front of the TV, I’ve been able to reflect on stuff. Life stuff... as in being 60 years old. It’s been four months since the Big Giant Birthday and I’m still not used to my elderly status. Even with my new fake knee, I still feel like just a really, really rickety 46. For the first three weeks after my surgery, I didn’t sleep much. I looked a lot like the Crypt Keeper from some kid’s show. Not a pretty sight. I’ve kept checking the mirror to see if my looks are improving. I get much more sleep now, and have noticed the shadows under my eyes have mostly disappeared. However, while scrutinizing my face the other day, I noticed my neck has some serious turkey wattle. WTF? When did this new addition happen? I don’t remember my neck being kind of wrinkly. My face is not very wrinkled, so maybe everything just slid south to my neck. For years I’ve had to go on Nanny Goat Hair Patrol. Stray chin hairs are the harbingers that the aging process is in motion. My chin hairs are mostly white now. Should I be glad they aren’t black and can be seen from the Space Shuttle? Or should I be unhappy that even my chin hairs are turning white? Either way, I’m bummed. I remember my mom pulling on the back of her neck to make the front nice and smooth. She said she would love to have work done on her wrinkled neck. At the time I thought that was silly. She was old, right? That’s part of the job description. Then, in the blink of an eye, here I am in her place. Not so small a deal anymore huh? At least my boobs are still perky. I suppose if I gained weight, my neck would fill in a bit. Hmmm...I think I’ll take turkey wattle neck over being a chunky girl. Hey, I still have choices! Nice!

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