Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Dissed Again

People Magazine announced its choice for the Most Beautiful Woman of 2012. (drum roll..) The winner is Beyonce. Apparently, there was actually an instance when Beyonce didn’t feel pretty. She said when she was in labor with her daughter, Blue Ivy (don’t get me started on celebrity baby names), she didn’t feel beautiful. Seriously??? My thought during labor was whether or not I was going to survive. Certain death seemed to take precedence over how my hair was looking. I guess that’s the difference between me and Beyonce, the only one. So, People Magazine is on my bad list. I didn’t even make it as a runner-up. I am still waiting for an opportunity to use my prepared acceptance speech from 1962. I thought I would be winning the Most Improved Swimmer award given at the end of my summer swimming lessons. I even practiced looking surprised, hands fluttering near my mouth to hold back fake tears. I could probably summon up that long-ago speech. Too bad the people holding all important awards seem to be unaware of my existence. The Nobel Prize people continuously ignore me. Maybe I don’t qualify for the Peace Prize, but the Nobel Award for Science is do-able. One time, I fixed our toilet from running by ingeniously using a pencil strategically placed in the tank. A major award in science could cause major heart attacks among many of my former teachers. Hee hee (this is why I will never win the Peace Prize). So there’s always next year. Gotta get going on my beauty regimen. I should also get going on other uses for a number 2 pencil. Possibly world peace???

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