Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Prison Love

Charles Manson, nutball and serial killing mastermind, is engaged to be married. He is serving a life sentence in prison, and is eighty years old. Count them... eighty. His lovely fiancĂ©, “Star”, is twenty six years old. She got in touch with her dreamboat when she was seventeen, and moved near his California prison in 2007. I know teenagers rebel. The eye-rolling and general bitchiness I experienced with my kids (and apparently also took part in during my own teen years) was sort of awful. This story makes me pretty grateful that nobody moved near a prison to be with their soulmate. THAT’s rebelling on a whole new level. Star resembles one of Manson’s former minions. Coincidence? She thinks her lookalike was a whack job. Seriously??? I guess it’s normal for a woman in her twenties to fall in love with an eighty year old killer serving a life sentence. Perhaps it was the swastika carved on his forehead. I suppose carvings can be a turn on, like long walks on the beach or washboard abs. There will be no conjugal visits (thank God). Star and Manson are allowed a hug before and after each visit. Ick... killer cooties. Star thinks Manson is innocent and says she is going to get him freed. Hmmm... he has been in prison for over 40 years, almost twice as long as Star has been alive. Her taste in men really sucks. I had many crushes in my youth. Some were nimrods and douchebags, and many didn’t know I was alive. My most infamous crush happened when I was three years old - pianist and all-around fabulous entertainer Liberace. He had a TV show that came on right before cartoons. I was smitten, or maybe was dazzled by the boas and bling. Liberace was over-the-top gay and probably older than my parents. But in my defense, he hadn’t murdered anyone. I hope instead of giving the newlyweds a toaster or crock pot, someone gives Star a gift card for some serious counseling. Maybe there’s hope for her.

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