Saturday, August 30, 2014
Sweaty Man Ghost
My house has a mischievous jewelry gremlin. Occasionally, it will steal one earring. Eventually, I will find the missing piece in a place that it couldn’t have gotten to on its own. This gremlin is very annoying, but hasn’t bothered me in a couple years. Last month, I was carrying my clothes and earrings from the hall closet (where my stuff resides) to my bedroom. This journey is mere feet, as the closet and my bedroom are across the hall from each other. When I arrived in my room to get dressed, I realized I was missing an earring. I went back and looked but couldn’t find it. I shook out shoes, moved stuff, turned back the hall rug, and searched my bedroom. The next time I vacuumed, I kept my ears peeled for the sound of a PLINK. Nothing, zip, nada. The damn gremlin had struck! During this time, I had experienced a new ghosty-ghost sensation in my bathroom. When on or near the toilet, I could smell what seemed to me was a sweaty man. It was so strange. I even checked out my own armpits, in case I was the sweaty man. My daughter was at the house and I asked her to come into the bathroom to see if she thought our toilet smelled like a sweaty man. She declined. Go figure. It was at that point I wondered if Sweaty Man Ghost was my jewelry gremlin. At last it had a name! I implored him to give back my earring and hit the road. A couple days later the smell was gone. Wow! Maybe I was onto something. Had I released a stinky spirit that had been waiting around for the big heave ho? I felt like maybe I had done the spirit world a service. This morning, I re-checked my jewelry drawer for the umpteenth time and found my missing earring. It was in a corner where I doubt I could have dropped it. Perhaps Sweaty Man Ghost had left it there, in gratitude for his release. Then again, the smell is back. Maybe SMG didn’t really want to leave. He can stay as long as he keeps his smelly mitts off my jewelry. Also, the shower is right there, so maybe he should think about a little spa time. Hygiene is good. I’m still looking for someone to sniff around to verify that my nose hasn’t lost its mind. Is that too much to ask?