Monday, April 15, 2013

Be Gone, Kardashians!

I watch a lot of TV... a lot. I’m most fond of crime mysteries, and detest reality TV. Much of reality shows involves fighting, swearing, crying, and more fighting. I dislike conflict, so these shows are not my idea of a good time. Just about every show on the E! Network involves some flavor of Kardashian. I just don’t get it. At the dawn of reality TV, I asked my daughter exactly why these people had a TV show. What were they famous for, other than being famous? She could never give me a satisfactory answer. Nobody could. I admit I have watched some episodes of the Kardashian’s shows with Molly. Call it mother-daughter bonding. But now, I’ve reached my Kardashian limit. Bruce Jenner, the emasculated patriarch and former Olympian, is a victim of bad cosmetic surgery. Kris, the mom, is starting to look weird too. The three sisters are extremely whiney, and super spoiled. The brother isn’t so bad but I’m not sure he’s featured much. Kourtney’s baby daddy is a major creep. He makes me want to barf, and needs to buy some socks. Unfortunately, there are a couple of teenage Kardashian girls lurking in the wings, and grandkids bringing up the rear. Even if I never turned on my TV, I would still see them on every magazine cover at the grocery store checkout. Kim Kardashinan’s maternity clothes, weight gain, love life, new mansion... there seems to be no end. I am so done with these people that I can’t even derive some snickers from learning that Kim has gained 2000 pounds. I yearn for the good old days when the only Kardashian in the headlines was Robert, one of OJ Simpson’s defense lawyers (the one whose mouth hung open at the Not Guilty verdict). These people need to go. They have made grundles of money, so probably never have to work again. They should all retire, even the babies. They are addicted to fame rather than money, though, so retirement is probably not an option. Perhaps Outer Mongolia needs reality TV, and I’ve got just the family to star. Go international, Kardashians. Go global. Whatever you do, though, just go... please. You are everywhere, and I want you nowhere. Please.

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