Pandemic Buzz Words

When the Pandemic hit, we were immediately inundated with new terms - “sheltering in place”, “social distancing”, “flattening the curve”, and PPE. Who is in charge of the creation of these words, and where do I apply for the job?

Sheltering In Place - This term reminds me of a kid’s game. The first time I heard “sheltering in place” I had the urge to squat down with my fingertips on the ground. Ha… like THAT would ever happen. I couldn’t squat if someone held a gun to my head. I have one fake knee and one not-very-bendy and moderately unhappy knee. Squatting is not going to happen.

Social Distancing - Was this term invented by actress Gwyneth Paltrow? When she got divorced, she announced she was “Consciously Uncoupling”. Seriously, that’s just dumb. Keeping 6 feet apart from each other is the point. For me, the social distancing term conjures up visions of square dancers, doe-see-doe-ing around the room. Maybe it’s the word “social”, or the giant skirts ladies wear. For sure you could keep 6 feet between people if everyone wore a square dance skirt. I think I’ve hit on something! We should all start sewing skirts instead of masks.

Flattening The Curve - This pertains to graphs, statistics and lots of colorful lines going up, across, and down the page. I’m no math whiz, but I believe flattening the curve means when the lines stop going up, make a right turn, go for a flew blocks past the 7-11, and then head south.

PPE - This is shorthand for Personal Protective Equipment (masks, hospital gowns and gloves). It’s basically all the first responders have to keep themselves safe from catching the Covid19 Virus. It’s like taking tweezers to a gun fight, but it’s all we have. I made some masks out of bandanas and sections cut from nylon knee highs (for the ear straps). They work fine, unless you wear glasses. I have yet to figure out how to wear a protective mask without my glasses fogging up. l left my glasses in the car but wore my mask the last time I grocery shopped. I swear my eyeballs got fogged up. My solution to this problem is to wear a plain old bandana, bank-robber-style. My glasses don’t fog up, and the extra space below my nose allows for air flow. Plus, best of all, I look like a total badass. Or the Unabomber.

I’m sure new terms will keep coming, and we will adapt. Waiting for “Bye Bye Pandemic”.