Friday, May 29, 2015

Spots, Fuzz, And A Saggy Bladder

I’ve said many times that the aging process isn’t for sissies. I think at some point, I thought it would get easier. I was wrong. The other night I was on Unsightly Hair Patrol, on the lookout for rogue mustache, eyebrow, and nanny goat chin hairs. With my face magnified a billion times, I was taking care of business. My tweezers were in overdrive. It was then that I noticed my face was pretty much covered with fuzz. OMG... My grandmother was looking back at me. Over the last few years, I have been developing age spots. My dermatologist calls them “maturity spots”, but that’s just another way to spell AGE. I have them on my hands now. There is a quite prominent brown spot on my right cheek bone. Go north from there, and there is a newer spot right above my eyebrow. Recently, I stopped my husband in midair after he licked his thumb and was poised to rub the smudge off. I had to tell him that the spot was there to stay, and to put away his spitty finger. I suppose if I live long enough, all my brown spots will meld together and I will finally have a nice tan. Earlier this week, I had to visit my doctor for a UTI pee test. As we were discussing my bladder, as you do, she pointed out a new indignity related to getting older. Did you know that as you age, your bladder kind of sags? To make sure your bladder is really empty, you need to move around to outsmart the sagginess. Seriously, I now have to be concerned that my bladder is sagging just like the rest of me? Apparently, my insides are becoming unattractive and worn out-looking. I’m not sure what a good-looking, taut bladder looks like, but I’m willing to bet mine needs a few sit-ups and a spin on my exercise bike. It probably also has “maturity spots”. Welcome to my world, my saggy baggy friend...

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