Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Insurance Bastards

In this last year leading up to my Big Giant Birthday, I’ve been inundated with solicitations from life insurance companies. All this insurance junk mail was annoying, and I really resented the fact that total strangers knew how old I was. Then, a coworker’s husband died suddenly, and I panicked a bit. I decided that maybe I should check into getting additional life insurance after all. We had open enrollment at work. I filled out my forms and the insurance company commenced taking money out of my paycheck. Then they requested additional health information. Eventually they sent me a rejection letter (all the while still taking my money). I was given one chance to respond with letters from two of my doctors. The letters were awesome, testifying that I was in good health. Then the Insurance Bastards rejected my application for the final time. Apparently they knew better than my excellent doctors. In spite of what my docs said, I guess I had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I was incensed, pissed off, and more than livid. I watch a lot of murder shows on TV. A recurring motive among murderers is offing someone for their life insurance. Now when I watch these shows, I talk back to the TV. “Oh sure, THAT guy can get a million dollars’ worth of life insurance. No problem... and he’s a frickin’ murderer! But when I ask? Oh noooooo, I can’t have life insurance. I might die at any minute.” Yup I’m ticked, and now these insurance dweebs have also ruined perfectly good murder shows for me. I guess if nothing else, I’m safe from being killed for my life insurance. Still bitter though...

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