Bad Ballet Etiquette

My daughter and I went to the Pacific Northwest Ballet’s production of “The Sleeping Beauty”. I hadn’t seen a ballet in years, so was very excited for the event. Molly was looking forward to being my date, as the Disney version of “Sleeping Beauty” was one of her favorites. I remember Molly sitting in her high chair at age two, singing “Once Upon A Dream”. She sang it with such feeling. That memory always makes me smile. Molly and I had a high-priced snack before the ballet, adding to the feeling that we were attending something pretty upscale and high brow. We found our seats, and perused our programs until the lights went down. And that’s when we discovered we were seated in front of a serious nimrod of a woman. Maybe she thought she was attending a basketball game or a concert. Whatever the reason, she wouldn’t shut up. Loud Talker Lady was seated with a girl, and apparently needed to share her every thought. The first time this woman was delighted by the dancing, she laughed really loudly. Laughed... at the ballet. OK, there is no crying in baseball and no laughing in ballet. They tell the story through dance, for crying out loud! Some little kids came on stage and LT Lady said “Ooohhh, they’re soooo cute!”. A couple of times, she told her young companion “Wow, that’s really hard”. Seems to me ALL the dancing is hard. No need to mention it... over and over. When the bad fairy ran around the stage with (fake) snakes, this woman said “Well, it doesn’t get more evil than that”. I almost knocked myself out rolling my eyes and biting my tongue. In my head, though, I turned around, jumped on my seat, grabbed her by the ears, and screamed “SHUT THE F&*K UP!!!”. The final straw was at the end of Act III. The prince stabbed the bad fairy with his sword. Loud Talker Lady said “Whoa... I didn’t see THAT coming!”. Seriously? She was stupid as well as annoying. At that point we were saved by an intermission, and decided to leave without viewing Act IV. I couldn’t take any more play-by-play commentary. I guess I’ll have to take out a loan and get box seats next time.