Saturday, December 21, 2013
Baby Jesus vs Santa Claus
There has been so much silly talk about the “War on Christmas”. The only conflict I see is trying to keep up with both Christmas stories - Baby Jesus and Santa Claus. Both stories have elements that bother me. First of all, there’s something hinky about the depictions of the Nativity scene. Everyone is kneeling around Baby Jesus, who looks way more mature than a newborn baby. Even though Mary has just given birth, there she is kneeling with everybody else. She apparently didn’t even have time to take a shower or swallow an aspirin before the Wise Men showed up. So I ask you... How do we know they were wise? Did they have to do one of those thought problems? A train is leaving Penn Stations at 1pm, meanwhile a guy in a rowboat in Sacramento is trying to get across the river with 3 people and a dog. How many people got on the train in Poukeepsie? Bet the Wise Men knew. Then you have Santa and his flying reindeer. I think some serious drugs went into the crafting of this story. Santa is a fat man in a red suit who somehow comes down your chimney to leave presents... without anyone hearing him, no sooty evidence, no reindeer poop on the roof. The first time I saw my mom or dad open the chimney flue, I looked up there. I couldn’t see the sky and started to worry about Santa getting stuck. I wondered how he got his fat ass past all the metal stuff. It’s hard to get onboard equally with both Christmas stories. Growing up I was totally on Team Santa. I got to be an angel in our Nativity pageant when I was in first grade. It was fun but I just couldn’t get enthused about Baby Jesus. Santa was a whole other story. I was a little creeped out that he could come into my house all stealthy-like, but I gave him a pass due to the loot he left under the Christmas tree. Now that I’m grown up, I admit I still like receiving presents. And I still don’t feel a connection with Baby Jesus. I try to see past all the buying hoopdeedoo, and focus on good times with friends and family. It’s my way of joining the two stories of Christmas. So Season’s Greetings, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, or whatever works for you!