Thursday, October 3, 2013

What I Know About Hockey

My husband is visiting a friend tonight who is a hockey fan. I’m pretty sure Rick’s hockey knowledge is minimal, so I thought I’d share what I know. Ahem, here goes... The sport of Hockey was invented in 1698 by Kevin Shakespeare, William’s younger brother. After seeing “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, Kevin hit on the name of the round thingy that would be fought over on the ice rink - the Puck. Kevin Shakespeare’s wife, Britney, was an awful cook and always burned the hamburger patties. The design for the Puck, therefore, was born during a family barbecue. The hockey uniform evolved over the centuries. In Shakespeare’s time, hay was used for padding. In modern times, many layers have been added. This was done in case a player got snowed in at the arena. He could wear his jammies and work clothes underneath the uniform, with room for his pillow and blanket. Following are some terms that may, or may not be hockey-related:

Hat Trick - Kind of like a card trick, only different.
Hamel Camel - Used in figure skating, may not be efficient for hockey.
Camel Toe - Who can tell with that uniform?
Dog Pile On The Rabbit - Probably only used in Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Penalty Box - Like standing in the corner in Catholic school.
Piper Down - Only in Scottish hockey.
Roughing The Kicker, Face Masking, & Backfield In Motion - Sounds hockey-ish
Outta Water - Oops... had a Marco Polo moment.

Despite this vast display of my hockey knowledge, I have only attended one game. A deaf couple a few rows down screamed at the refs in sign language. I couldn’t take my eyes off them, and therefore missed the game. My advice to Rick is this - Stand up and yell every time a fight breaks out. And that’s my take on hockey.

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