Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Stella, Land Pirhana

My six pound Yorkshire Terrier, Stella, is a mean girl. She tolerates my son and husband, likes my daughter, and hates the hell out of the rest of the world. And me? She worships the ground I walk on. I’m her boo. When we go for walkies, Stella warns the world of her presence by barking incessantly for the first minute. Then she settles down, until she spies a person, another dog, a bird, a cigarette butt on the sidewalk. You name it, she’ll bark at it, or try to eat it. Her most-hated human seems to be any type of delivery person. She detests our postal carrier. When he puts mail in the slot, Stella is on the other side of the front door going ballistic. She actually tries to bite the door, then runs around the corner to where the mail comes in and barks some more. On our walks we sometimes encounter the mailman. He is a real sweetie, and just smiles as Stella loses her mind. I have no idea how she knows it’s him, but she does. She’s seen him from her vantage point on the couch, but I’m surprised that image transfers over to walks several streets away. Yesterday, we walked past a UPS delivery man. Turns out he’s the one person on the planet Stella hates more than the mailman. I’m pretty sure she has something against the color brown. Nothing else explains her dislike of UPS people. She rarely sees them at our house. Maybe she’s ticked off because she never gets packages or mail. I wouldn’t put it past her to order stuff on the Shopping Network (I really should scrutinize the credit card bill more often). I’ve been told that Stella is very busy during the day. While my other two dogs spend their time doing what dogs do... sleeping... Stella roams around the house. More than once I’ve arrived in the front doorway, greeted by underpants on the rug. A gift? Some sort of message? A threat? I’m not sure, but I’m quite certain Stella is behind it. She’s a shady girl. She also bites. I cringe when we have company because I know they are in mortal danger from an attack by the Land Piranha. Pretty embarrassing. It’s a good thing Stella is so damn cute. Barky, bitey, but damn cute.

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