Are You Pulling My Leg?

After four weeks of medical leave, I went back to work yesterday. In the afternoon, I walked my dogs. By the time I got home, I was experiencing so much pain in my upper thigh I couldn’t bend over to take off their leashes. So, today I made a trip to my rheumtologist’s office. It turns out I have somehow pulled my groin. I wasn’t sure girls even had groins. I think mine should at least have a chick-friendly name, such as “groinetta” or “groingina”. If I could, I would paint it pink and sew a ruffle or two on it. But, back to reality, how could I possibly pull my groin when I’ve been housebound for four weeks? I always thought such an injury required participation in a contact sport like football, or perhaps pole vaulting. The only contact I’ve had is my butt with the couch cushions. Just imagine what damage I could do if I actually got more exercise than walking my dogs. If I could jog, would one of my feet fall off? My unicycle is hanging idle in the garage. I was hoping one day to master it. Now, I’m a little frightened of what might happen. Trying to ride a unicycle is really difficult. My current lack of physical luck makes me think I could get impaled on the bike seat, or perhaps swallow my crash helmet. Hey, it could happen. So, it appears my next project is to rest my groin. I’m not sure how much more rest it could get, since I was unaware of its existence until now. I wonder if a movie would be too strenuous for it. Maybe a spa, or mud treatment might appease it. One thing for sure, though. Chillaxing on the couch is out, as that is how this whole thing started.